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Sapiosexual ... or something like that

I am writing this blog partly because INTJs are more or less confronted with the same problems when it comes to interacting with the world. Since I regularly test as a hardcore-INTJ with values ​​above the 80% and also have the curse of giftedness, I'm like a freak among the freaks. Its most painful and obvious when it comes to dating, where I - surprise - so far had no success. Personalityhacker speak about INTJs in their Podcast and have very interesting insights, which for me as archetype are right on the spot. Among other things they bring up the idea of an exoskeleton which the INTJ develops to protect its inner self and which renews itself with every molt. The last one improved me very much in the field of self-awareness, and so it is foreseeable that a relationship leads to an enormous boost in personality development, even more because that has been overdue for many years.

Thanks to the self-analysis i know exactly what attracts me and that is the core of the problem. The normal person does not seem to know this at all, nor does he weight it with much importance. For me this is relatively simple: Intelligence attracts me - in the form of cleverness or musical intelligence, linguistic diligence, design and painting and so on (interestingly, professional climbers also belong to it, probably because of bodily abilites and courage). The more the better and I would prefer someone I can admire for real because its beyond my abilities. A pretty packaging increases the attractiveness too - I am still a male - but the importance is somewhat different since as in many fantasy stories I can see the personality in the eyes - at least a bit. On the other hand - and this is the fundamental problem - the packaging without reference to the content is nothing. And thus the street as a place for hitting on someone is out - I need at least a clue for what is inside before I can start. And this is also the big problem with online dating: In theory a great tool because you can describe yourself in detail and get information about the potential candidate before you write. In practice, however, this tool is abused by the men who hit on everything which does not resist without any filter at all and the women who create more or less empty profiles with only one photo (probably with sunglasses) and not much else. And then they wonder why they have no luck and are contacted by every scrap. How can I receive a personal letter if there is no personal information? Looking at the female visitor frequency, women do not appear to be having much own initiative.

I have also a pretty good idea what would work in terms of MBTI. INTJ or INFJ, that means with Ni as dominant function. There are a lot of discussions among the female INTJs why being T instead of F throws you out of the female role model and I can not completely deny that: F makes more lovely, but on the other hand that is not essential, the dynamic of a T-T pair is obviously different to an T-F combination. In short: F (but not too much) would be nice, but T would also work because it has its own advantages. I wouldn't be able to live with a P, as son of an INFP mother I know the resulting chaos and missing determination far too well.

Perhaps here a sentence to how I made op the whole stuff: this is no abstract idea, on Youtube are a whole lot of MBTI bloggers and starting from the gut feeling that the person triggers for me I can then see the pattern and abstract that. For example, female ENTPs are just cool (Type: Kickass-Heroine with Chainmail Bikini), but in the long run they are hard to bear. The standard occupation for all Es is "meeting friends" - and this is a pastime that does not suit me at all. In my experience, E s are also potentially superficial, having many friends but a more shallow relationship with them as Is.

I actually had a date with an ENTJ woman. The writing before that was quite nice - we are talking about 6,000-character messages on a regular basis, so there is something to talk about - and while on the date we talked for four hours, but there was a rebuff the next morning , which resulted in my opinion from the E / I-Contrast: On the surface there was no spontaneous spark. But this is not to be expected for T-T and I would have invested much more time so that there is at least the chance that something can develop. It was not meant to be.

I manage to make a contact once a year and even then it fails, as with the last lady. She was probably the most likely to whom I would fall in love: physicist and probably INFJ as I have guessed. First the writing, everything is wonderful, then we think about a phone call and I give my number and that was the starting point of the disaster: She calls me spontaneously, which would be a nightmare for every INTJ. I've been working too long as a salesman to be completely off the rails, but anyway - you're not yourself in such a shock situation. Here the podcast is also right: With an INTJ it takes time until one is "in". But again, there was no way to get there: the already agreed date was canceled, because after the phone call she was not sure if I corresponded to the picture from the writing and she did not want to hurt me. Sounds strong after "INFJ-Doorslam". I'm just saying: No Pain No Gain - you can not expect anything to fall into your lap? A Sunday time investment is nothing compared to the probabilities:

Ni-dominant (INTJ, INFJ)

1 : 50

2% INFJ and 0,8% INTJ for the female population

gifted in combination with Ni

1 : 20

etwa 4 times more frequent as for the overall population

high level of multiple intelligence

1 : 4

that is guesswork


1 : 2


in the right age decade

1 : 8


Single and looking for a male

1 : 4

also guesswork

likes INTJs

1 : 2
1 : 8

guessed Poll result, the others cannot stand INTJs and prefer ENFPs or ENTPs

everything together with the uncertainties a value something between 1:100.000 and 1:1.000.000 - not hopeless, but unfortunately rare enough to be a real problem. If you have somebody on hand who may be part of this group, then you really should invest the little time to really get to know her before rejecting? It is not as if these lottery hits are found on every corner. Therefore, such conditions as "only in my place of residence" or "at least XXX cm large" or a narrow age spectrum are so without sense, narrowing the chances down even further.

So now I can only wait for the next jammy shot. Or a organize a german INTJ-Convention, which however is going to fail on two reasons: On the one hand, most German INTJs do not even know they are INTJs (MBTI is unknown here and this blog is currently not even found by Google) and secondly I would have to reach enough of them for an convention and that is either difficult (getting a lot of editorial content in the media) and / or expensive (lots of advertising in these media). Not taken into account that most INTJs prefer to stay at home ...

I wondered for quite some time how my life would have been if I had decided a few things differently. The boarding school for the gifted is certainly an interesting scenario: I would have had the greatest opportunity to meet like-minded people which now, in my country and in my profession is practically impossible. And, of course, the scientific career ... whereby I said I really would miss the sales experience which would have led to very large drawbacks regarding openness and communication skills.

Update 11/2017: at the moment i'm officially not gifted, instead of 2% im part of 4% because i'm missing a few points. On the positive side: the number above just doubles. On the negative: I think the test was not blind enough to practising effects


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